The Imperfect Mom’s Guide: What To Do When You Go To Disney World
Do take your young daughter shopping for her princess dress immediately. You’ll have a lot less laundry when you get home. And you’ll get to sit down on a full bus when the driver announces, “Everyone, be on your best royal behavior… we have a Disney Princess on board” and your daughter shouts, “That’s me!”
Do pack an umbrella. Believe it or not, it really does rain in Florida. Do cover the stroller when you leave it in one of the many “parking areas.” Otherwise, you’ll be carrying your whining child around while waiting for the seat to dry.
Do purchase a Disney dining plan when you make your reservations. Your teen son will keep track of the number of meals and snacks available. You’ll be updated hourly.
Do pay attention when a bird swoops in to make a hit and run on your stroller. Particularly if your child is in the stroller eating a cookie. Always carry extras.
What Not To Do When You Go To Disney World
Do not book a single “family” room. You’ll try to convince yourself it’s a great bonding experience. It’s not. Your young child’s voice will be a great deal louder than usual. Your teen will decorate the room with underwear, socks, electronics, and wet towels. No matter what the brochure says, the bathroom is too small to share. And you will not sleep because your husband and one or more of your kids will engage in snoring competitions.
Do not say fuck at Magic Kingdom. The circumstance does not matter. Even if you’re soaked in sweat because you’re enduring the Florida humidity while waiting curbside for the big parade, other perspiring people are pushing and shoving you, and your sweaty kids are suddenly at their worst. Don’t let it slip. If other moms can’t hear it, they will still read your lips and pretend to be offended. You’ll instantly be cast out as “that” mom.
The large vacant area behind Cinderella’s castle after the fireworks is vacant for a reason. Do not make the mistake in thinking the crowd is stupid and you’re going to be first to enter the castle for dinner. And definitely do not push your child’s stroller at warp speed, in the dark, into this area. It has been roped off for your safety and you could potentially decapitate your child.
Do not pose for photos with the princesses. You will look fat. And old.