The Pain And Joys Of Motherhood

Sweetness of Life & Motherhood © Lisa Ladrido @LisaLadridoGuest author Lisa Ladrido is an R.N. mom blogger and the author of Mom Blogger Buzz. She writes about social media, personal development, blogging tips, travel, family, health and wellness. She and her husband live in the Seattle area. They have 5 sons, 4 grandchildren and 7 furry, four-legged children.

"Infant Hand And Mother Hand" by Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot

“A mother holds her children’s hands for a while, but their hearts forever.” -author unknown

Becoming a mother was one of the happiest moments of my life. Holding each of my new babies in my arms and looking at their sweet faces warmed my heart. Though as my boys grew there was a quiet struggle within me to give them their independence at the same time trying to protect them from harm.

The struggle increased once my eldest started dating. She seemed fine but there was something tugging at me. I didn’t say anything to him about my mother’s intuition. Well at least not at that time. He soon began his journey in the military adding a few more gray hairs to my head!

Then the announcement arrived that he had proposed and they would be getting married. We lived around 3000 miles from where he was stationed. So it wasn’t an easy task to start building a relationship with his soon to be wife. I offered to help her with the wedding and preparations and was met with a thank you but no thank you response.

His phone calls to me became less and less and soon when he did call she wasn’t around. I didn’t begin to think anything about that until much later. We went to all of his graduations and achievements during his budding military career. However, June 2005 would be the last time I would see him for six years.

I was excited about the trip to get to spend time with his soon to be wife and of course my son. What came next began years of pain and sorrow. It was obvious to me that she didn’t want much to do with me or even him. They were about to be married and he was the most miserable I had ever seen him.

Since she refused to participate in much of the activities, I was able to spend some time with him alone. Apparently they had already had a civil ceremony months before since he was deploying. This upcoming ceremony was just a formality. I asked him what was going on and why he seemed so unhappy. He guardedly told me some things but at the end of the day he was still going through with this.

I remember as if it were yesterday standing with him at the checkout of a store and with her out of earshot I told him that I knew we would never see each other again. He shrugged it off but my mother’s instinct could feel just by the behavior that I had witnessed that I wouldn’t be allowed to see him again.

On the plane home my heart was heavy and tears were streaming down my face. This wasn’t just a little bruise that I could kiss and make it all better. I couldn’t protect him from this pain. He would have to go through it and hopefully things would improve.

More drama ensued as we prepared for the upcoming wedding. Then a day before we were set to leave a hurricane was hitting south Florida and moving up the coast. The entire city where the wedding was supposed to take place was shutting down and now they were needing to find another locale away from the path of the hurricane.

The worst part of it all was that our flights were cancelled and I wouldn’t get to see my first born marry. It took weeks before my daily tears would start to wane but the pain in my heart would last for years.

I never lost hope, I continued to send gifts to both of them and tried to establish communication, however with no response. He was now ready to be deployed to Afghanistan and I sent them both a message. It was May 2008 and I will never forget that day. As I read their or her response, the words were as effective as a knife piercing my heart. I was never to email, call or have any contact with them, ever again.

Prayer and faith were the only things to give me strength during those long years. I kept forgiving the both of them for these actions and knew that one day God would bring us together again.

My prayers and patience paid off, in October of 2011, I received a call from him. They were separating and we were going to be meeting again in December 2011. Although divorce was not what I wished for either of them, they had both made that decision. The December trip was awesome. He since had me visit for Mother’s Day this year and I had the most blessed trip. He was so happy and he was back to his normal self. I thank God everyday that this is all behind us.

Mark Twain once said, “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”

  • http://mombloggerbuzz.com/ Lisa Ladrido

    Thank you for the opportunity, I have never written this down and it feels great to send it out, like on a hot air balloon!

    • http://kellihood.com/ Kelli Nelson

      It’s my pleasure to have you write for Sweetness of Life & Motherhood, Lisa! I believe everyone in this community knows they can count on honesty, support and that it’s a safe place for words sometimes not said anywhere else.
      You’re a fantastic mom to your boys!

      • http://mombloggerbuzz.com/ Lisa Ladrido

        Us moms must stick together in good times and difficult ones. Thank you so much for offering a place that we can do just that!

  • Beth Sanborn

    Lisa, I applaud your daily patience and prayer that God would open the door to your son again! Your perseverance proves that keeping yourself higher than the negative situation can pay off in major ways! I am in a similar situation as you…my in-laws have a deep-seeded dislike for their first born, my husband (looong story!) and thus removed themselves from our little family. They pop in time to time when it’s convenient for them, of course. They are only hurting themselves by not getting to know their wonderful grandson! Blessings to you and your son!

    • http://www.mombloggerbuzz.com/ Lisa Ladrido

      Thank you Beth. I am sorry to hear about your story. Something similar but in reverse is happening in our home now. It seems that we fix one situation and another occurs. My husband is heartbroken, but it gets exhausting trying to make relationships work sometimes. Prayer is the ONLY thing that helps these types of situations.

    • http://twitter.com/Mompreneurmogul Lisa Cash Hanson

      I am so happy you got to see him again I know you were beaming :)

      • http://www.mombloggerbuzz.com/ Lisa Ladrido

        Yes, it feels great and also to see how happy he is too! Thank you Lisa!

  • basanborn

    Lisa, I applaud your daily patience and prayer that God would open the door to your son again! Your perseverance proves that keeping yourself higher than the negative situation can pay off in major ways! I am in a similar situation as you…my in-laws have a deep-seeded dislike for their first born, my husband (looong story!) and thus removed themselves from our little family. They pop in time to time when it’s convenient for them, of course. They are only hurting themselves by not getting to know their wonderful grandson! Blessings to you and your son!

    • http://mombloggerbuzz.com/ Lisa Ladrido

      Thank you Beth. I am sorry to hear about your story. Something similar but in reverse is happening in our home now. It seems that we fix one situation and another occurs. My husband is heartbroken, but it gets exhausting trying to make relationships work sometimes. Prayer is the ONLY thing that helps these types of situations.

  • Lisa Cash Hanson

    I am so happy you got to see him again I know you were beaming :)

    • http://mombloggerbuzz.com/ Lisa Ladrido

      Yes, it feels great and also to see how happy he is too! Thank you Lisa!

  • http://twitter.com/fix_my_marriage Fix My Marriage

    That is heartbreaking. As sad as divorce is, I am glad that God used it for good to restore your relationship.

    • http://www.mombloggerbuzz.com/ Lisa Ladrido

      I know, I didn’t want that for either of them. Thankfully there were no children involved which helped I am sure with the decision process. Thank you so much for your comment!

  • http://twitter.com/fix_my_marriage Fix My Marriage

    That is heartbreaking. As sad as divorce is, I am glad that God used it for good to restore your relationship.

    • http://mombloggerbuzz.com/ Lisa Ladrido

      I know, I didn’t want that for either of them. Thankfully there were no children involved which helped I am sure with the decision process. Thank you so much for your comment!

  • Constance

    II loved this post. I am new to blogging and have just started reading other peoples work.( I started mine not knowing anything about it and having never read one-I’m a little backwards and am just surfing through the blog world now). I had a similar experience with one of my children. It didn’t result in a marriage, thank heavens! I knew within weeks this person was bad news. I had never had so many sleepless nights. This person was careful and calculating and conniving trying to unravel the family thread. He was cocky and controlling and slick. He did his best to isolate my lovely daughter from her friends and family. What he didn’t know is that I had taken my “Snake 101″ class. The poor young man- I knew he was troubled and going down but he wasn’t taking my daugher with him. Long story short- my daughter ended it the week he was to propose to her. That was a close call! Whew! I love your strength and your faith. It must have been a long haul!

  • Constance

    II loved this post. I am new to blogging and have just started reading other peoples work.( I started mine not knowing anything about it and having never read one-I’m a little backwards and am just surfing through the blog world now). I had a similar experience with one of my children. It didn’t result in a marriage, thank heavens! I knew within weeks this person was bad news. I had never had so many sleepless nights. This person was careful and calculating and conniving trying to unravel the family thread. He was cocky and controlling and slick. He did his best to isolate my lovely daughter from her friends and family. What he didn’t know is that I had taken my “Snake 101″ class. The poor young man- I knew he was troubled and going down but he wasn’t taking my daugher with him. Long story short- my daughter ended it the week he was to propose to her. That was a close call! Whew! I love your strength and your faith. It must have been a long haul!

  • http://www.mombloggerbuzz.com/ Lisa Ladrido

    Thank you for the opportunity, I have never written this down and it feels great to send it out, like on a hot air balloon!

  • http://SweetnessOfLife.com/ Kelli

    It’s my pleasure to have you write for Sweetness of Life & Motherhood, Lisa! I believe everyone in this community knows they can count on honesty, support and that it’s a safe place for words sometimes not said anywhere else.
    You’re a fantastic mom to your boys!

  • http://www.mombloggerbuzz.com/ Lisa Ladrido

    Us moms must stick together in good times and difficult ones. Thank you so much for offering a place that we can do just that!